Biographies & Memoirs

I’d Like to Play Alone, Please: Essays

I’d Like to Play Alone, Please: Essays

Tom Segura is known for his twisted takes and irreverent comedic voice. But after a few years of crazy tours and churning out podcasts weekly, all while parenting two young children, he desperately needs a second to himself. It’s not that he hates his friends and family — he’s not a monster — he’s just beat, which is why his son’s (ruthless) first full sentence, “I’d like to play alone, please,” has since become his mantra.

In this collection of stories, Tom combines his signature curmudgeonly humor with a revealing look at some of the ridiculous situations that shaped him and the ludicrous characters who always seem to seek him out. The stories feature hilarious anecdotes about Tom's time on the road, including some surreal encounters with celebrities at airports; his unfiltered South American family; the trials and tribulations of parenting young children with bizarrely morbid interests; and, perhaps most memorably, experiences with his dad who, like any good Baby Boomer father, loves to talk about his bowel movements and share graphic Vietnam stories at inappropriate moments. All of this is enough to make anyone want some peace and quiet.

I’D LIKE TO PLAY ALONE, PLEASE will have readers laughing out loud and nodding in agreement with Segura's message: in a world where everyone is increasingly insane, sometimes you just need to be alone.

Chapter 1. My Father, the Savage

Chapter 2. Paging Dr. Stupid

Chapter 3. Bruce Bruce

Chapter 4. I Had a Dream

Chapter 5. Que Viva El Perú, Carajo!

Chapter 6. Chris Tucker

Chapter 7. Five Star

Chapter 8. West

Chapter 9. Lost Wallet

Chapter 10. Jill Scott

Chapter 11. A Lot Too Much

Chapter 12. Concha Mi Madre

Chapter 13. America’s Most Wanted

Chapter 14. Serena Williams

Chapter 15. Road Dog

Chapter 16. Bank Shot

Chapter 17. No Fat Chicks

Chapter 18. Chris Noth

Chapter 19. What’s the Theme?

Chapter 20. Trickin’ on the Track

Chapter 21. Omarion

Chapter 22. Pick One

Chapter 23. What’s Wrong with Me?

Chapter 24. Save the Word

Chapter 25. Photo Essay

Chapter 26. Mike Tyson

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